young and stupid

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 09:26:32 GMT

ph, the worst part is that they are tearing this place down. i really honestly have to say goodbye to this place, i've been coming here since freshman year and i cannot believe i live here now, at least for one more night. so many things are going on and i feel like the destruction of one of my most precious college memories shouldn't be a part of it all. i'll try to stay up for 48 more hours so i don't have to sleep through a goodbye.

festivus yes! bagels no!

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 23:53:48 GMT

39 Charlotte is OURS!

i didn't think we could get such a nice apartment on such short notice. it's a four person but we only have three so that means TWO living rooms or one living room and a library or a study or a dance room or a real live dining room or ANYTHING we want! I'm excited to be living with these girls because i think our styles will mix really well. i'm also excited about being close to the suite's apartment and MUCH closer to traina.

i told lili she needs to hang her self portrait in the living room and maybe we can set up a shooting range for rachel. WHO KNOWS!?

it'll be my first apartment that isn't subletted or campus owned! oh we truly are growing up. it also means i'll be living in worcester this summer after a month long euro-wind down session in norfolk. who wants to live with me?

uuuh back to studying for my only final and writing 20pages on exactly how ATOMIC OXYGEN TREATMENT restores paintings damaged by fire.

cause i'm a real straight shooter if you know what i mean

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 01:26:24 GMT

this semester has been so much fun
+the apartment is amazing
-i don't get out of it enough
+london soon
-too soon
+the mamas and the papas
+peggy lee
+saw molly on sunday
-i ate/drank too much at thanksgiving and fell asleep under the dining room table
+

there has to be more going on but i can't think of it. i'm so excited and so stressed, it mixes togther and gives me a weird neutral feeling.

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 17:08:55 GMT

tom petty and the heartbreakers with the black crowes tomorrow!
it's mary's birthday present to me- a mini roadtrip to new york to visit her college roomate and a lot of people i don't know. AND TOM PETTY!
mmmmmmm.
i'll pretty much be gone until friday or saturday, i'm going to the beach for a few days so i'll be nice and tan for the party. it's really absurd, i have tan lines.
anyone have any special requests for the party? i've got pigs in a blanket covered but i want to make sure everyone is happy.

even mollusks have weddings, though solemn and leaden

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 03:26:05 GMT

i have been completely cut off from all technology for the past week (+). this is due to the fact that i’ve been on martha’s vineyard and although i was supposed to return on sunday, my car broke down and i was there until tuesday, edging on wednesday. there are worse places to be stranded i suppose.
while there i bought a few too many art history books, ignored several people i believe i went to high school / college with and actually managed to get a bit of a tan. my mother also turned me on to joanna newsom whom i really do enjoy (specifically “Inflammatory Writ” “Peach Plum Pear” “Bridges and Balloons” and “Cassiopeia”).
i made it back to the apartment and found an amazing pair of shoes waiting on my bed- thank you kate!! they really are very very “sam” whatever that really means.
i’m bummed that i missed the little reunion at kate’s house but there wasn’t much i could do about it anyway. it will happen again on aug 6th right?
i’ve been reading and rereading my david sedaris books. he is certainly one of my favorite writers, even though i feel that liking him is kind of a cop out in a way. how could you not like him? i finally read “the curious incident of the dog in the night-time” it only took me a day but it was “written” by a retarded kid so i don’t think it should have taken me much longer than that.
i have recently discovered my love for mangos. they are absolutely delicious in any form! mango juice! mango bars! sweet raw mangos!!
i was having dinner at my grandparent’s house and my grandfather told me that out of everyone in the family i reminded him most of my grandmother (my nana) and her mother (my great grandmother). i was more than pleased to hear that i was like my nana, she is an amazingly strong and talented woman who manages to hold the entire family together. but i was very disturbed to hear that i was like my great grandmother. i never met her even though she just died about a year ago. my grandparents (on my mothers side, my father’s parents are long gone) each had difficult childhoods. my nana’s mother got married at 16 and had four kids before she was twenty. she was apparently stunningly beautiful and she sang on the radio- a job that seems glamorous but was evidently relatively common back then. my great grandfather was an alcoholic gambler so my great grandmother whose real name was alma, but she often said her name was laura or patricia, decided to make money the best way she knew how. the oldest profession in the world. my great grandmother was a whore!! i can reveal all of these seemingly personal and private things with ease because i don’t really feel like she was a part of our family. at nine years old my nana was ordered to pack up some of her mother’s things so that she could run away. she left the family and remarried a few years later in DC without ever divorcing my great grandfather. out of her three children (one of them, a twin of the youngest boy, had died just after birth) my nana was the only one to forgive her ten years later.
at nineteen my nana moved to DC to live with her mother who had called her after her new husband norman went missing during the korean war. norman eventually returned home and my grandfather proposed to my nana, causing her to leave DC and follow him around the country (he was in the air force).
what happened to my nana in those ten years that her mother had deserted her was unimaginable. that’s why i believe she is an amazingly strong person. just trust me on that.
my great grandmother never spoke to any member of her “old” family except for my nana. she grew to have a relationship with her, my grandfather and their children (my mom and aunts). my mom told me that she was fun and lively but selfish and unloving. my grandfather has said more than once “you know everything she tells you is a lie, but it’s so entertaining that you don’t care!”. she had an alluring personality but she was absolutely incapable of loving anyone other than herself. so, I’m a lot like her? i’m not a singer, i’m not a whore, i’m not particularly entertaining, i’m left thinking that my grandfather meant i am unable to love.

Fri, 01 Jul 2005 23:57:45 GMT

SATURDAY AUGUST 6th

you (and all of your friends) are invited
to celebrate something
at my apartment.

rsvp!

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 18:50:34 GMT

HEY YOU!
do you like fireworks?
do you like beer?
do you like AMERICA!?
if you do please come to my apt on sunday july third.
and bring beer.

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 21:47:13 GMT

would if i told you i had a three year old son.

and his name is not mister.

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 21:04:45 GMT

becca and i have jobs
we need more jobs but at least we have one (possibly two)
we are camp counselors, it's mayhem. i would not trust my kid with me but i'm sure everyone will have fun
i'm thoroughly enjoying the apartment except we have no internet (i'm home for the weekend now) and no tv
we've been watching a lot of movies, most of which seem to have parker posey in them
i found an amazing antique store and once i get a paycheck i'm going to but crazy records, chairs and belts, they also have dishes and plates with a jetson-like pattern all over them
we ARE getting a dog from ohio, my parents are going to pick him up on thursday and they will be back saturday. i cannot wait to meet him. He's one or two and he's been through a lot the past month. The woman from the humane society said we could have him then two days later she told us he had already been adopted. then we found out that adoption didn't go through and the dog was waiting in the vet's office for over a week. i'm so excited to give him his own home with all his own toys. we wanted to adopt a tibetan terrier and the closest one to us was in ohio. any name suggestions? right now his name is scooter but we want to change it. i really wanted to name him steve or mojo swaptops but no one else likes them. my family likes brian (but i feel like we already know a family with a dog named brian, family guy is just so close to my heart) or buddy cianci and my dad really wants to call him the phantom but when you say it it must be in a very ominous voice. i don't know.

i been drifting along in the same stale shoes

Sun, 22 May 2005 22:49:32 GMT

+law and order marathon
+i gardened all day today while listening to pulp/new order/moldy peaches
+becca and i got an apt, an amazing apt (40 pratt st providence, if anyone wants to visit or ever needs a place to stay starting june first)
-i still don’t have a job
+mary and i spent a few days on the cape with a bunch of holy cross kids, a little weird but fun. highlights:
+my new nickname is flan
-we spent the time in a garage with a space heater and after i introduced myself i declared that "the space heater feels really good, like i'm peeing all over my legs" nice sam, nice
+i definitely told some guy to go warm his mandals by the space heater, and he did.
+they were (surprisingly) into the smiths so mary and i made up a beirut song…some cups have more beer than others, some people’s cups have more beer than other people’s cups…you can figure that one out
+beirut, steak, boats, “good” mixes that include milli vanilli and bloc party (“i get how you could be named milli, but not vanilli”)
and the quote that sums up the entire vacation: “i feel like we’re in a movie and we’re the cameramen”
+i saw cynthia play at the palladium, her band is amazing

there’s more but i really seriously need to get back to law and order.

Without 40 oz. of social skills, I'm just an ass in the crack of humanity

Tue, 03 May 2005 19:14:00 GMT

I love the moldy peaches so much right now.

I GOT MONEY IN THE MAIL! i had to pull the old "my toothbrush fell on the floor and i don't have enough money to buy a new one" but it worked! now i can pay everyone back!! although all i really owe people is cigarettes, whiskey and rum. but i know what it feels like to bum out a thousand cigs and then never get anything in return and that SUCKS! so i promise i will be good about repaying people.

There is a festival in barcelona may 26/27/28. it has new order, sonic youth, gang of four, iggy and the stooges, the arcade fire, radio 4, the go! team, dogs die in hot cars, the dirtbombs, nouvelle vague and SO much more. I really want to go, so who wants to come to spain?

oh no, i've never meet anyone quite like you before

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 15:28:52 GMT

I don’t have you with me but I keep a good attitude

right? i think i've been doing well lately. i've been listening to that fantastic heart surgeon elliot smith. he's a sad little kid. at least i'm not dead / i don't want to die right?

providence looks like it will work out. can you see me teaching arts and crafts to little kids? i can't, even though i've actually done that already. and i'll take classes at RISD. i'll have my car so i can go to the beach whenever i want. i often think i should have been born a fish. i would want to be one of those creepy ones that lives way down at the very bottom of the ocean.

new order: temptation. listen to it and you can be happy and sad and you can dance.

i found my polaroid film and i think this weekend will be fun.

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 20:37:45 GMT

i woke up with "fuck off!" written on my knuckles and "what up mofo" on my toes. also a sailboat on my arm.

i have smoked every single day since march 28 without fail. this isn't so unusual for most of the people i know but it is for me. i have a feeling this next year is going to be the year that i was high all the time. at least i hope it will be.

i made a blog so i can keep in touch with my family members and my mom has been posting responses, she's so cute. i can tell that if she wasn't my mother and if she was 30 something years younger we would be friends.

my cousin (allison, not super ultimate molly) came to visit on friday. she's really sweet but super quite, i decided to get nice and drunk and i think i scared her.

my other cousin cynthia (super ultimate molly's sister) is playing at the paladium in may. she's a singing drummer extremely influenced by led zeppelin (she's 15)

i'm bored and i'm wearing shorts. it's very liberating. molly and i used to walk around in boxers in hamilton (bermuda) we also used to skinny dip in the day time. i was an odd teenager. now i refuse to bare my legs unless i'm wearing a skirt/dress.

this week should be good w/spree day and 420, but all the jews are going home this weekend and alex has to go to a christening. what the fuck guys? don't leave me all alone.

4/19 handsome boy modeling school
4/24 dresden dolls
4/26 dizzee rascal
4/29 adam green (THIS ONE IS A MUST)
5/03 the russian futurists
5/08 weezer
5/12 ted leo
5/16 gang of four/radio 4 (if anyone is around, PLEASE!!)
5/20 the faint

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 17:53:17 GMT

i want to thank everyone who has made me feel better. thank you so much, even little things help. i am honestly a mess inside and a lot of times that comes out as me being distant. i'm sorry for that. and for those of you who can't seem to understand what i am going through, i really hope you never have to.

sunday night i slept on the floor next to him and he pushed against me all night. monday morning he couldn't breath and when i looked into his eyes something had changed. they looked so tired. i fed him water out of a bottle. before i left i scratched his bum which he always loved, i squeezed his paws which were always too big for his body and i kissed him right between his eyes.

monday night my mom text messaged me and said "he loved you, you were his best friend" but he was my best friend and i don't think that anyone can understand that.

= (that means fact, not good, not bad)

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 09:07:08 GMT

+my mom knows some of the people lou reed describes in the song "wild child"
-my dog had a bloody nose yesterday
+I bought him a sheepskin rug at Ikea
+I get to see him soon
-I don't have Easter presents for anyone, I can't remember if we exchange Easter presents
-I can never sleep any more and i am always tired
+I really enjoyed going to connecticut on saturday and listening to spoon
+spoon is one of the best bands ever
+I bought craploads of magazines (zink, anthem, paper, fader etc)
-I couldn't find nylon anywhere
+I read susan's nylon! the best magazine ever!
= pretty much every magazine said something about bloc party... let's not have another killers episode
-I still have yet to receive my ready made
+today i bought twizzlers and apples
-I won't be going to sleep tonight
+being over tired helps me write better papers because i am like that. i also am not so bad when i am high (see last half of mythology paper)
-I bit my tongue and then it healed and then i bit the other side
=i hate talking on the phone or over aim, i have to talk face to face
-a lot of people think i am rude over the phone because i always make my conversations quick but it's nothing personal. i promise.
+my platelet count is 163 (normal is anywhere from 140 to 400) go me!
-there is porn in our common room and no one knows whose it is
+there's free porn in our common room!
+I have enough native american in me to live on a reservation or whatever. i think i'll open a casino!
+daryl and i have concluded that the japanese must have very soft skin because their face eggs exfoliate like a bitch

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 17:02:45 GMT

break was good and bad. the good parts were nice, the bad parts left me huddled in a ball on my bed crying myself to sleep. so nothing new really. i went to jamestown, went to the beach. i saw hannah and suzie. i saw mary. i had my first slurpee with her, it was amazing. chris and i hung out a lot which means i smoked a lot. i went to nate's house. other things happened and more stuff too.

my plan for this summer is a few weeks of traveling around europe looking at museums and whatever else, then i will sublet an apartment in boston or providence and hopefully work/volunteer at a museum. is anyone interesting in subletting with me? it would be nice not to have to live with a stranger! i am very easy to live with too! ask anyone.

ALSO, IN CASE YOU FORGOT:
3/20/05 XIU XIU at remis auditorium
4/5/05 BLOC PARTY at paradise rock club
4/9/05 JOSH ROUSE at paradise
4/16/05 ANIMAL COLLECTIVE at hampshire (or 4/17/05 ANIMAL COLLECTIVE at the middle east)
4/17/05 BONNIE PRINCE BILLY at the mfa (or 4/20/05 BONNIE PRINCE BILLY at iron horse music hall)
4/19/05 HANDSOME BOY MODELING SCHOOL at paradise
5/03/05 THE RUSSIAN FUTURISTS w/JUNIOR BOYS the living room

jim carey wins the oscar for MAN WHOM I WILL ALWAYS LOVE!

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 04:10:06 GMT

everyone is watching the oscars and i am finding myself way too interested in the color of kate blanchett's dress and jake gyllenhaal's newly shaved head. oh no, sam, you need some depth in your life. i have also been spending too much time with mytunes and i have doubled the songs on my itunes. i should have bought the 40gb ipod! bitch.
i've been addicted to red bull lately and whenever i finish one i find myself speaking in a southern accent and craving marlboro lights. slut butts.
i have decided that i am going to win an oscar one day. i think it will be for costume design but i might make a live action short. who knows!?
my family has been having some problems lately, things that they certainly don't deserve. it hurts me a lot, but it makes me realize that it is so important for me to work harder and take advantage of my honestly amazing life. which is why i am all about making this movie that my suitemates and i came up with: it is our search for the east coast's best cheeseburger. this really just came about because i was having one of my iron deficiency induced meat cravings.

AND, WHO WANTS TO COME WITH ME TO THESE?
3/04/05 AMBULANCE LTD w/ROBBERS ON HIGH STREET at tt the bears
3/7/05 HOT HOT HEAT at axis
3/9/05 INTERPOL w/Q AND NOT U at the orpheum
3/20/05 XIU XIU at remis auditorium
4/5/05 BLOC PARTY at paradise rock club
4/9/05 JOSH ROUSE at paradise
4/16/05 ANIMAL COLLECTIVE at hampshire (or 4/17/05 ANIMAL COLLECTIVE at the middle east)
4/17/05 BONNIE PRINCE BILLY at the mfa (or 4/20/05 BONNIE PRINCE BILLY at iron horse music hall)
4/19/05 HANDSOME BOY MODELING SCHOOL at paradise
5/03/05 THE RUSSIAN FUTURISTS w/JUNIOR BOYS the living room

daryl and i are in a band

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 20:59:36 GMT

someone buy this for me so tom petty and the outlaws can finally start playing some gigs. we already wrote a song called "oh yeah".

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 15:59:20 GMT

BYEBYE!!

this has become the death-blog

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 22:51:30 GMT

i had to change the channel on the tv. to do this i go into that space in between alex's bed and the window. there were a lot of people walking down toward traina, i'm assuming for the vagina monologues. i was watching them all walk by and i noticed that they all look the same. even the ones who try to look different look just like everyone else. this scares me so much. i do not want to look just like everyone else and i know that i do. i don't know why that upsets me so much. i guess i am just far to involved with the idea of an image and what it means. i don't want to look like every other person, but i honestly know that i do. maybe it's because i have been watching the project runway marathon and paying way too much attention to clothing and image. maybe it's because i don't have anything else that is deeper than all of that? i need an image to show people who i am because i don't know. maybe i'll become a fashion designer, i did win the fashion design badge when i was a girl scout.

all of this sounds so depressing. maybe it's because i know that my sweet little puppy is going to die soon, the doctor said that he'll probably make it to st. patricks day. i have the date march 17th burnt into my head now. i went home on friday so i could see him. when i look at him there is such a large part of me that wants to disconnect and push him away, just to make things easier. but i can't. he is really the only thing in my life i have given myself permission to absolutely love. i decided that i will just love him, it seems so goddamn simple but it is so hard for me. i never, never let anyone get close to me and when i feel like they are too close i push them away. this isn't something i enjoy, but i feel like i can't help it. [sidenote- there are a few people in my life who i feel close to, i have no idea why they escaped this but they did. maybe it's just because they never allowed me to push them away which in my twisted mind is the only way to prove you care about me. well, you know who you are and thank you]

make with the penance, repent on the double

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 01:39:45 GMT

i had a really great nap today and i dreamt that my grandparents gave me four puppies and i went to new york city to throw a giant thanksgiving party and i served stew. but i don't like stew!! how bizarre.

daryl is checking out katie’s ass…sweet

i’m a bad influence on my roommates

we sit in sleds and pass andre

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 17:30:17 GMT

i got some pictures to upload, nothing special though.
someone get me flowers for valentines day...i'll make it worth your while!
or i won't. i probably won't.
daryl and i are going to watch SAW tonight or tomorrow...i am psyched. she's my scary movie partner, except the last scary movie we watched was the remake of dawn of the dead and it kind of sucked.

i have documentation of katie smoking! ha!

...and dancing to the iPod commercial

just two of the millions of pictures i made becca take with me in the bathroom

despite the fact that she was completely wasted, kate managed to order our food with surprising composure. then they fucked up our order and alex fixed it for us.

i was born (a unicorn)

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 19:53:52 GMT

i took pictures last night and they won't upload. now no one will ever see them. that makes me sad. sad for all the good people who won't get to see my fantastic face.

we're having a super bowl party today, but i just want to stay in bed and read. don't tell anyone though, i wouldn't want to come across as a nerd.
i've been feeling very unfulfilled lately. it's an awful feeling. i get like this sometime and the only thing that cures it is a)doing something constructive with my hands and brain or b)getting far far away from this place.

how about this:
a road trip. i'm thinking the cape would be nice this time of year. martha's vineyard or nantucket maybe? or we could just go to newport, i have many fond memories of walking second beach in the winter.
i miss the sand and the ocean. i need to get there soon or trouble will begin.
any takers?

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 01:34:12 GMT

i am sick. send me soup, ginger ale and tea. come pat my head while i fall asleep.

now you can learn even more about me without having to talk to me!

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 05:36:48 GMT

A - Accent: none, unless you get me angry then it’s midwestern
B - Breast size: 36C
C - Chore you hate: i don’t mind chores, i used to volunteer to clean the bathroom when i was little
D - Dad's name: rick
E - Essential make-up item: mascara
F - Favorite perfume: i like the smell of my bodywash
G - Gold or silver: silver
H - Hometown: norfolk, ma
I - Insomnia: always
K - Kids: never
L - Living arrangements: dorm
M - Mum's birthplace: providence, ri
N - Number of apples you've eaten: thousands
O - Overnight hospital stays: too many due to the fact that i was born dead and this has since caused some problems
P - Phobia: whenever i swim alone in the ocean i am afraid that a zombie will attack me from underwater. now that i have typed that out it seems somewhat irrational
R - Religious affiliation: none, thanks to four years of catholic high school
S - Siblings: chris!
T - Time you wake up: it depends on the day
U - Unnatural hair colors you have worn: only pink, though i have gone through every imaginable natural color which was unnatural to my hair but natural to someone
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: beets, although i have never given them a fair chance
W - Worst habit: procrastination
X - X-rays: one i can remember
Y - Yummy foods you make: asparagus
Z - Zodiac sign: leo